General

After much deliberation, this year’s edition of The Facial Shrine sees a number of massive changes being introduced. First, gone are the blind links and redirects. Sure, it might cost a bit of raw traffic, but I’m getting sick of clicking on a thumb and being redirected to another site. When I click on something, that’s what I want to see, dammit. Blind link trades and “gallery skimming” (sending a percentage of visitors to a site other than what they expected) might have been novel concepts in 2002, but now they’re just annoying.

And I don’t fucking like it. Never did, actually, but for some lame reason that escapes me, I felt I needed to do it to compete. Trying to compete with shit makes me and my site shit as well, so now I’m ending the practice. For those of you who LIKE being bounced around, I’m going to keep a modified version of the original page online somewhere so you can be jerked around till your heart’s content. Everyone else will receive the gallery, movie, or picture they expect.

I currently have my (small) group gathering materials and creating pages. Yearly makeovers here are usually done in late fall, but in 2005 we’re going ahead with it early. Even though we are making all of our pages by hand (and there are 100s), we should be done by the beginning of September.

I’ve been getting a lot of email concerning my “Small Penis” article (Astute visitors contact me by clicking on the “webmaster link” on the bottom right of this page – even though its easier and quicker to just post a response to whatever article you’re interested in). MOST people got the humour in it, so I’m following it up with one for the guys. This was originally posted by Body from Easy Movies:

If you give your man head and then take your mouth away just when he starts to cum…you are a dumb bitch!
If you think that a lotion you buy on t.v. will “burn your fat away”…you are a dumb bitch!
If you dress sexy and have nice body and then say to your friends, “..and this total dweeb was checking me out…I mean, I don’t know why!”…you are a dumb bitch!
If you make your man excited and then say, “I’m tired, let’s go to sleep”…you are a dumb bitch!
If you think all a guy wants is a slut…you are a dumb bitch! (Sure, they’re good when you’re down, but who wants a slut for a girlfriend or wife?)
If everything you do only gives your man one more reason to want to leave you, but you think he’ll stay because you’ve got the pussy…you are a dumb bitch!
If you teach your man to be nice by denying him sex…you are a dumb bitch!
If you use your body and looks to get everything you want…you are a dumb bitch!
If you tell your man that he is yours alone and he is the best ever, but cheat on him…you are a dumb bitch!
If you lie…you are a dumb bitch!
If you tell your husband that you want to fix things between you two and then go out and sleep with another guy…you are a dumb bitch!

__(‘Read the rest of this entry »’)

Something new I’ve added, is a way for you to subscribe to The Shrine. Enter your info on this page: Subscribe To The Facial Shrine, and you’ll receive a short email whenever I update the site. The mailing will contain a brief excerpt from the update, as well as a link to the full content. You’ll also receive information on how to “opt-out” if you should change your mind.

I’ll never use your email for any other purpose than letting you know I’ve updated the site.

Here’s one for the ladies. Have you met a man recently who just doesn’t measure up? Maybe a guy who acts all shit-hot and needs some bringing down. Guys are sensitive to size of their equipment and if YOU say its small, he’s going to believe it.

The next time you’re faced with a dick you really don’t want to have to deal with, may I suggest:

1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it’s cute.
3. I’m sorry.
4. Never mind, why bother.
5. Who circumcised you?
6. Why don’t we just cuddle?
7. You know they have surgery to fix that.
8. It’s more fun to look at.
9. Make it dance.
10. You know, there’s a tower in Italy like that.
11. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
12. It looks like a nightcrawler.
13. Wow, and your feet are so big.
14. My last boyfriend was 4″ bigger.
15. It’s OK, we’ll work around it.
16. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
17. Eww, there’s an inch worm on your thigh.
18. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
19. Oh no, a flash headache.
20. (giggle and point)
21. Can I be honest with you?
22. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
23. Let me go get my tweezers.
24. How sweet, you brought incense.
25. This explains your car.
26. You must be a growing boy.
27. Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.
28. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
29. Are you one of those pygmies?
30. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
31. Ever hear of Clearasil?
32. All right, a treasure hunt!
33. I didn’t know they came that small.
34. Why is God punishing you?
35. At least this won’t take long.
36. Let’s just stick with your hand.
37. Do you need a splint to prop that up.
38. How interesting.
39. I never saw one like that before.
40. What do you call this?
41. But it still works right?
42. Damn I hate baby-sitting.
43. It looks so unused.
44. Do you take steroids?
45. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks your dick.
46. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
47. I think there’s a dildo around here somewhere.
48. Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?
49. Let me know when you’re done.
50. Oh, I didn’t know you were in an accident.
51. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
52. Aww, it’s hiding.
53. Are you cold?
54. If you get me real drunk first.
55. Is that an optical illusion?
56. What is that?
57. Does this run in your family?
58. I’ll go get the ketchup for your French fry.
59. Were you neutered?
60. It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.
61. Does it come with an air pump?
62. So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.
63. Where are the puppet strings?
64. Look, it all fits in my mouth at once.
65. Deep throat???
66. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
67. Can you get this pencil out of me now?
68. Do I hang my hat on it?
69. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes!

That oughta ’bout do it.

Guys (and ladies) concerned about penis health can take a look at the information presented in the following sites. Remember, a healthy penis is a larger penis. And a larger penis is a happier penis.